The Unimaginable

On May 30th I got all ready for our big 3D ultrasound appointment. I of course had Benton take a picture of me at 23 weeks...

 

I have been so excited for this appointment, I love how long they spend looking at the baby/babies. Unfortunately as our appointment progressed the technician noticed some abnormalities with one of the babies. She got some cute shots of each of them and of them together.

Baby A is a girl...

 

 

Here's our sweet Baby B...

 

Baby B is on the left and Baby A is on the right, they look so cute snuggled up to each other...

 

Baby B is really squished so they couldn't tell us for sure if it is a girl but since they share the same placenta they are expecting them to be identical which means Baby B is also a little girl. Baby B doesn't have much fluid around her which brought up a red flag. Our technician also noticed a couple other concerns and sent us straight over to McKay Dee to see a Perinatologist (high risk pregnancy doctor). After about an hour ultrasound we met with the doctor who told us the devastating news.

Baby B is most likely not going to make it. And since I am so far along there isn't anything they can do to help her. She has spina bifida, her bladder might be growing on the outside of her body, she has a congenital diaphragmatic hernia which is causing her heart to be on the wrong side of her body, her kidneys aren't properly functioning and she has very low amniotic fluid.

We are in shock, and are still processing all this information. They said if she had only one or two things wrong with her we might be able to figure something out but unfortunately she has a bunch of problems. Only time will tell if I will be able to deliver them both alive. I will end up delivering them both at the same time, even if Twin B passes away before I make it full term. They are also concerned with our healthy baby girl because if Baby B passes away in utero it can cause complications to our healthy baby since they share the same placenta. We are hoping and praying that they both can make it full term.

My worst nightmare has come true. I never thought I'd have to bury one of my own babies. I am ill just thinking about it. I am emotionally exhausted. I cry every time I feel her move knowing she might not make it and I can't help her. If she passes I hope she goes peacefully and won't be in any pain.

I had dreams of the twins growing up together. Having my 3 little girls being best friends. Playing dress up together, dancing around the house together, sharing each others clothes, listening to them giggle with one another. I was so thrilled to have 3 girls, mostly because I have 2 sisters and I couldn't imagine anything better for my kids. I feel as if my dreams have been shattered.

Now I can only pray that we will be able to deliver one healthy baby girl and at least get to hold our other little angel I was so lucky to have held in my belly till she is born. I am the type of person that believes everything happens for a reason. At this moment I'm unsure of why this is happening to us but I have to believe that something good will come out of it.

My next appointment is this week and then weekly thereafter. I will keep you all updated on what is happening with our little girls as we go. I am so grateful for my sweet husband who is and will be there for me each step of the way, I couldn't imagine doing this without him. Benton and I both believe in miracles and we are hoping both our little girls make it. We hope our sick little one can be one of those babies who surprise us all and surpass what the doctors expect. We are not giving up because we truly love both of our girls.